The week of the first live show was a wonderful experience! I still can't believe I'm here and I'm just to grateful to The Voice, Seal and to my incredible family and friends for all their support.
The whole top 12 family and the Voice team got really close this week. Everyone was spending hours at the studios, rehearsing, practicing, doing interviews, wardrobe fittings, makeup and hair, playing PS4 (Judah and Hoseah are the ones I'm looking at ;)!) and we had a blast. There was crying, triumph, laughing and frustration, but ultimately it was an incredible learning experience for all of us.
I struggled with the song. I knew Seal gave it to me as a test, so I would be facing adversity and really learn from this week's performance- which was, in hindsight, a great plan. Wrecking Ball is a hard one, and it wasn't 100% tailored to my voice. And that's ok- I had a lot of fun exploring the song, my voice, getting to be in the incredible floating orb set, being dressed in a gorgeous outfit and as a whole; learning, learning, learning. I listened to my soundcheck recordings back constantly to improve, and I was pretty proud of myself for getting the song to where it was given the circumstances!
I came off the stage after my performance feeling amazing. The atmosphere in the audience was wonderful, and I was dancing around to Bojesse's killer performance of 'There's Nothing Holding Me Back' by Shawn Mendes. From what I heard in my in ears (those earphone things we have so we can hear ourselves), I got most of the notes and I thought I did a decent job despite being extremely nervous and struggling with the song.
Listening back to my performance, this was not the case. I was gutted. I hit a lot of bum notes, my pronunciation was weird and I sounded nothing like I did my soundcheck recordings. I didn't want to even touch social media because I knew people would have something to say. Unfortunately, with the way Facebook works, the picture posted by the wonderful Voice social media team crept into my feed a few times and I accidentally read some of the top comments (BIG, BAD MISTAKE).
'Man, that's a bummer' I thought to myself. What was a feeling of relief, excitement and happiness from coming off stage quickly faded into disappointment. I guess when you perform, all you want is to make people feel something, to make them happy and to make yourself happy. I was happy, but I had mostly not achieved the other two goals for performing. My favourite top comment was probably 'YOU SUCK LUCY. WORST VERSION OF WRECKING BALL EVER!!!!!!'. In all seriousness, we were recommended not to read Facebook comments, so I didn't, and Seal was like 'STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA'. I steered clear of everything for a day, but I still saw a few negative comments in my texts (with friends unassumingly sending screenshots of them defending me)(I love you guys), DMs and in my tags on various social media.
My performance wasn't good, and that is the truth of it. I'm taking all the constructive criticism to better myself and my singing. I was pretty down for a few days about the whole incident, but then I thought to myself 'this is part of it, this an opportunity to learn and grow'.
I love music, I love performing and I love singing. I want this so bad. As musicians, we put ourselves in front of the world in our most vulnerable state. We all want to make people feel good; we want to motivate, inspire and move people. We get a rush from performing from an audience and from creating music we love, to share with people. The industry works so that in order to make music and performing our career, we often have to be out there for a lot of people to see. With that comes the fact that we are open to criticism, judgement, hate and people's 'opinions'. People will tell you 'you don't deserve to be where you are', that 'they don't get your voice', that you 'are only there because of your age/looks/popularity/being someone's favourite' but the truth is, you're there because you have a passion.
I am far from the best singer, I am far from the best songwriter and I am far from being the best performer. I have so much more learning and work to do. Judah Kelly is there and as incredible as he is because he's being perfecting his craft for years and been on the road as musician. Same with all the other top 12. Rob was there because he has an incredible vocal technique, excellent musicianship, stage presence, persona and drive.
There is a lot of negativity in the world. Everyone will always have something to say about performances like 'her dress is ugly', 'why does he dance like that', 'that set is SO STUPID'. This goes for anything from art to dentistry ('oh my god that dentist was wearing the ugliest sweater. I don't want to go back to him' - this is actually something someone has said to me). I don't know where I'm going with this waffle now, but from being on the other end of mass online hate for the first time in my life, I just urge you even more so than ever to speak your mind in a respectful, kind way. I am never going to say a bad word about any public figure who is doing something harmless ever again, and I feel awful for doing so in the past (even though it was just to my mum). Think about whether you'd say what you're going to comment on a Facebook post to someone's face- how would you feel about that?
And if anyone is ever criticising your art; think about it. What do you think of your performance personally, deep down? Be open to constructive criticism and be truthful! I know that my performance was not great, so I am taking the words of others if I agree with them so I can improve! Yes I was flat, yes my vocals weren't strong and yes I think can do better.
This is such a waffle now. But yes,
be kind. Always.
I hate to be focusing on the negatives, as there was an incredible amount of support! I felt I just needed to address the situation this time.
To all you amazing people who have had my back- I thank you. Thank you so much for believing in me. I am getting around to replying to you all because that is the least I could do. Just know I am grateful for every single one of you.
Onwards and upwards my friends.
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